CNY 2007

happy chinese new year everyone!
guess this year not much of a mood except the red packets coming into my bag.
not much though! haha... BORING!!!
what to do.... economy no good... haha
but it was great seeing relatives that i see in liked once a year.
the usual FAQ - when r u going to get married... etc etc...
i love hearing comments liked - wah getting prettier n prettier ar... haha... (although maybe not true la)
but heck la. i still wan to get red packets for a few more yrs. and hopefully i will find my mr right soon... :)
anyone ??
:P

its nice also to hear lil cousins tell u - jie jie i love u lei... haha...
at least i still have someone loving me for who i am.... bleh bleh... hur hur....

photos time!!!

yantai CNY luncheon...

please forgive me. i very lazy to write so i will just post pics...

feeling

i feel angry now....
ROARR....
i feel down
i feel really suffocated.....

fiak this few months....
so many things happen until i cant breathe...
feel so jinxed...
fiak fiak fiak.....

realli no mood for the CNY... except for the red packets. reali dun see the point....

anyway still wish everyone happy new year
dun let my jinx luck brush onto you ya!

a plead

i want to plead.

i want to plead to GOD.
please let lil preston get over this obstacle.
he's just 3months plus old. he's so little, so brave.
If he can survive the 8times operation, pls let him survive this time.

when i was at the hospital the past few days i start recapping the day ah ma pass away.
i really dunno how i can handle this thing again.
how do u react when u see ur love one pass away in front of you?
you sobz u agonize, but theres nothing u can do.
all u can see is ur love ones with tubes and needles poked into them.
ah ma lived for a good 60+ years... but preston??
he hasnt even got the chance to call me jie jie, pls dun take him away.
i haven got the chance to cuddle this lil cousin in my arms and do baby talk with him.
pls dun let him leave....

theres too much happening recently in jus less den a year time frame.
death
seperation
dumped
misunderstood
everything.......
im losing my sanity soon.
i really dun think i can handle anymore blows....
its draining.....

god, please.....

Valentine's day & couple friends

oh well
today is Valentine's day..
i guess this is the 2nd worse V day in my 2X yrs .....

i rem once during my 1X yrs, i was den with my first love... haha chu lian....
that day was V day and we met after school, he bought me blue roses with bears.. sweet right
but duno why at one point we started arguing... reali fierce battle man.... my god...
den came the power sentence - ok fine. since not happy den dun waste time. lets just split.
at that pt of time, it was like he walk left, i walk right... split
as usual gals will cry like they just lost their beloved $1000+ gucci bag.
$1000+ for a school student is a lot ba....
oh well, after that things got well ... but down the road we still split up due to various reasons....
:)

V day is not just abt Boyfriends, it can be abt close friends also.
i remember one year i was single and i spent V day with Val.
val was free cause gary was busy in camp.
haa... we had much fun...
anyway...

this yr sad year but i have date on V day also.
(sorry zan, couldnt meet u)
i meeting eve & xiu hui - singles club. haha pathetic...
but hell!
we goin to watch a movie n dinner....
its a gal's thing, the men dun get it...
haha....
but yea, so its V day with my girlies....

i realise i have many couple friends lei.. sian... haha.....

grace & ST
kel & koochie
Jo & calvin
Val & gary
mich & ben
rose & ew
Luis & sharon
trina & sam
yenni & her bf ( dunno his name, ha)

well this are my close friends. n see .. they all have bfs.... sianz....

but anyway happy for them that they found the right one also la....

happiness is when u found someone who takes you for who u r.
be it u r fat/thin, short/tall, loud/soft... all this doesnt matter
they shd love u for who u r and not just exterior
thats too shallow.

aside to trina(baby 3):
thank you for your ''rose''.... =)

my day

well went thru my day emotionless...
haha
din reali feel much so its liked just get past a day...
baby 3 got me a massage stick in the form of a rose for V day.
thks love...

hope u like ur ''anna sui'' lookalike comb... haha....

ok... now is like 11plus... still cant sleep
waiting for jon to come online so i can send him pictures...haha....
ok tick tock tick tock

a happy new year , auntie

i just called to wish his mum a happy new year
not cause i want to create more chaos. but cause sincerely i really like his mum and she really cares for me.

i regret to say future chinese new years i will not be able to pop over n send u my regards, but i will always keep you in my heart.

have a great new year auntie, uncle, lili!

thanks for the care all this 3 years

Today..

i had one whole day to myself today.
i got to think alot of things.
maybe some things i still haven been able to think thru but i guess i need time.

i guess love is pretty much hurting most of the times.
out of my past relationships, i usually get hurt.
often after these r/s i feel lousy about myself.
i start questioning if i m really suitable for relationship.
guess it just happened again now.

i am really mad at him. mad at him for letting me go liked this.
i dont understand how he can just dont love me just like that.
i keep feeling that he really hurt me hard n hard n hard.
but suddenly a thought came to me, i think i have hurt him too.
i hurt him cause i was insensitive to his feelings. i wasnt able to live up to his expectations of a gf that he wants in his heart.
i just wasnt able to give him the lovey-dovey feelings he wants.
for this, i apologize.
im sorry.
i guess i am maybe nt suitable for r/s now.
i need to learn to be a better person.
i am really sad but i guess i got to learn to live with it.
-------

i feel lousy.
i feel fat n pimply recently.
he used to say i need to slim down and i got too much pimples.
i guess i am liked this ba.
so think i need a change.

a note to guys: pls dun tell yr gf she is fat, ugly, pimply that sort of hurting comments. rem that when u decided to be with her, she is already this way. if u really want her to improve, u can easily say it in a gentle way to make her feel better. n pls a NO NO is to compare her with other girls. its really very mean. if she accepts you for who u r, den is it fair u do the same to her?

---------

i start thinking a lot about my own future ''upgrading''. .
i want to think what i want for myself in future.
cause now its for me, myself and I.
i got to start looking around already.

---------

i am sad but do give me time...

note to him: i wish u happiness in whatever yr future may be.

once no more

we once walked together. once we were laughing n joking together.
that was once.
you were never happy before. so i guess lets just not go on making u more unhappy.

thank you for everything before:
thank you for your company, your care and concern, your smiles and all the happy memories.

u realise i never say love because i dont know if you ever love me. i really don't know.
i am sorry if u feel insulted by my comments but touched yr heart. ask urself, have u ever love me? me being isabelle pan.

i love u alot. really a lot.. but i guess all this should just be buried from now.

take care of yourself from now on...
like u said - u r u, i m i... no more we. not even as friends.

no more....
i just want to be alone....

true love? fuck!

me... searching for a lost soul.

i need to search for my soul... i lost it....
i am in pain now. i just want to cry. to let go of the pain that is haunting me.

专属天使 my aussie hottie... :o)

jon's back in singapore. or rather,he's been back for liked almost 2 months.
soon he will be going back to brissy again.
he looks great and he is much stronger, which i am glad.
im looking forward to MAy when i go over to visit him.
JON! see u in brissy ya!.....

jon's my fren, my buddy, my aussie 'honey' (sniggers) and my hottie fren.... my guardian angel...
he makes time to listen to me in between his busy routine in aus. he calls me when he can. msn me once a week....
to me its enuf. knowing i have a fren in him.
he shakes me up during my darkest hours.
when i just wallow in self pity, he screws me up BIG time.. not literally. *giggles*
i tell jon everything.... almosst......

i LOVE jon for being my gd friend....

我不会怪你对我的伪装
天使在人间是该藏好翅膀
人们愚蠢鲁莽而你纤细善良
怎能让你为了我被碰伤
小小的手掌厚厚的温暖
你总能平复我不安的夜晚
不敢想的梦想透过你的眼光
我才看见它原来在前方
没有谁能把你抢离我身旁
你是我的专属天使
唯我能独占
没有谁能取代你在我心上
拥有一个专属天使
我哪里还需要别的愿望
小小的手掌大大的力量
我一定也会像你一样飞翔
你想去的地方就是我的方向
有我保护笑容尽管灿烂
没有谁能把你抢离我身旁
你是我的专属天使
唯我能独占
没有谁能取代你在我心上
拥有一个专属天使
我哪里还需要别的愿望
要不是你出现
我一定还在沉睡
绝望的以为生命只有黑夜
没有谁能把你抢离我身旁
你是我的专属天使
唯我能独占
没有谁能取代你在我心上
拥有一个专属天使
我哪里还需要别的愿望

i just dun want to be reachable

i just dont want to be reachable anymore.

the things n events around me are making me feel sick... adding on the the flu that is still lingering around.
its pretty yucky.

i just dont seem to be happy now. .

i guess ppl r just taking things for granted.

what is the difficult part about showing a little respect, a little consideration for the people living under the same roof as you.
life isnt just abt u n ur gf. no one has to take yr shit, certainly not me.
u(2) come home in the wee hrs in the night, u(2) talk at the top of ur lungs, laugh at the top of ur lungs.
have u(2) considered other ppl's feelings? respect the fact that although u(2) can go without slp, others still have to work early in the morning???
please!
dont be so self centred.
if u wanna stay at ppl's hse, at least make an effort to communicate n get to know each other.
if hitting the sacks and kinky kinky is all u think of. hey, there is somewhere else, im sure!
this is call RESPECT.
its a pity cause insider has no respect, what more an outsider.
fiak!

i am really sad recently.
guess like i told eve, i m just waiting for things to reach the peak of my limitation.
that way, maybe i will know what i want in life.

at work:
i hate feeling redundant. i hate feeling i m doing nothing. waiting for time to pass. this feeling sucks. maybe some of u will say i m a sadist. but i do prefer being busy to being a bum.
JO loves terrorising. call it senseless teasing or what-ever. i seriously do not appreciate it. stop terrorising me.
u r 31, act ur age , purleseeeeee

friends:
generally i think all my friends are happy now. so there's nothing much to say.
but one word - if u r the forever late n frens always wait for u kinda person, pls do likewise. if yr faithful fren is late fr awhile, pls at least be patient and wait. waiting wun kill.... this is mutual respect.

i m just sick
please leave me alone

sniff sniff

oh gosh....
today is wednesday... and i have been down with fever n flu for 3 days already.
K.O on mon & tues cause of high fever (38deg) and bad case of flu....
ever so drowsy.
been a long time since i was so severely hit by the flu monster.
sunday i was still ok and chirpy in the morning, come evening time, i was liked all hot and crappy.
nx thing i know it, monday i couldnt get out of bed cause my head was hot n hurting n i can barely breathe through one side of my nostrils... sniff sniff. whats worse, my nose decided to do a dash... fiak....
this two days was slping n slping n slping.
OMG.. still not enuf rest
today i m back at work...n fiak, just when i tot it will be a warm feeling, the bloody air con decided to work. COLD!!!
WTH!!!! ROARRR!!!
i need to get well....
need to get well for my luo zhi xiang on sat... !

follow blindly

i decided once too often i follow my foolish heart.
now is like not the time to follow my heart anymore
i need determination n heart full of ''coldness''
i guess there was too many presumptions on my own.
sorry
i guess this is a bad habit.
think i should change.

dun wan anymore trips to ''northpole'', just want a stroll down the lonely brick road.

i dun wan this trip

sometimes i just need answers, reactions or acknowledgement.

i DONT WANT to be blown to ''north pole''
even if you have to pack me off, give me time to ''pack''

thank you!

asking for it~

had a tiring week end....
went KTV twice in a row. sang a total of 9hours KTV time.. OMG
i think i sort of ask for it.
before that i did not go for quite some time so i was complaining i am so bored.
den tadaa, this month itself i went KTV 3 times already... oh my....
haha... cant complain i long time no went already...

i realise sometimes humans are such that they ask for it.
they complain when weather is too hot, complain also when its raining.
so generally we ask for it.
either way we nv seem to be satisfied.
sigh!

i wonder when adam & eve were created, did they consider this issue?
heh heh...
beats me

mood for now: happy...

tweet tweet
; )

happy birthday

happy birthday to darling Paul ...
haha....
may your life be filled with laughter and joy...
:)

S.H.E concert

i was lucky to get the chance to go watch SHE concert with roselyn...
happy like a lil bird
OMG the concert is fantastic.. SHE voice is power and handsome are Fahrenheit
oops i forgot Yanzi,she's cool..
makes me tempted to go watch jolin tsai concert.
anyone?

a day with samsung ~

i went and meet my samsung pals for dinner at new york new york and went to ktv partyworld... very fun... with them its always at ease. no pressure. jus pure crapping n laughters

brazilian

kudos to those who did brazilian... eg; pure blondie... *wink*

its pure pain ... reali pure pain... i haven tried brazilian but i sort of got a feel at it....
if given a choice, give me IPL anytime....
brazilian is liked a slow death kinda of thing
yr heart will pound, ur palms will get sweaty, u start dripping cold sweat....
and the moment SNAP, ur eyes jus rolls back....
haha... this is no pain no gain... haha..

guess Bik. line is all i can take.
more than that i will be dead meat
im a pain-no-no kinda of person.
so i guess its all just keep simple will do....

redundant

my friends envy me cause they say i can take pay and do not much things.
ok, to be practical, everyone loves a life when u do less but still get pay.
but honestly down the road, it just makes u feel redundant/ useless, either way u see it.

i like to relax, i agree..
but not having much to do makes time goes by slowly.
and its good to have things to do.. tat way i learn something too...

but right now i just feel redundant. and its irritating the irritated side of me....

call me preston

i have a lil cousin.. exactly 24years my junior... oops, did i just mention my name.. shucks...

well baby preston was diagnose with heart condition that required operation.
dun ask me why, but its quite much for lil one like him.
it took 7 operations and now he is healthy as anyone of us...
im thankful to god for blessing him
thank you...

he is afterall preston pan.. my lil cousin.

~ mao fa ~

guess i m obssessed abt hairs......
really obsessed...

in sec sch days or rather starting from primary 4 , i had short hair. yes, i snip off my long waist-length shiny crown of black hair into a mushroom head freaky hair style.
dun ask me why , but i jus went with the idea
my fav aunt brought me to her hairdresser and tada, my hair all gone. kidding. actually most of it gone. haha
i went home, n there jason & hayatt had a great laugh out of my mushroom hair...
yes it reali look like a mushroom.
n NO i will not post the picture here..
aside to my evil bro & cousins, pls dont even think abt blogging that pic....
its image suicide.

guess i jus got used to short hair, so all along in sec sch i had short hair. longest being shoulder length
at that time, i was persuaded to leave long hair, but citing weather hot as an excuse, i just snip it off everytime it touches the collar.
in poly days, after a hard set back, i left my hair long.
i rebonded it, colour it, rebonded it, colour it....
guess my used to be soft hair has became a bunch of HAY. dry n frizzy.
quite sad....
the chemicals just spoils it. but without the treatments and colour, my hair will definitely look worse...
so haiz.....

besides my head of glory,
my eye brows are next
ever since i discover the beauty of eye brow shaping and how it enhances our beauty eyes.. its a regular thingy for me.
but ironically, i m terrified of pain
the plucking can jus make me break out in cold sweat. even till now, i still break out in the occasional sweat but lesser.

recently i have been thinking of another kind.
waxing *wink wink michelle*
the neatness just tempts me to give it a try.
but den again... PAIN.....
how ?
neat or pain? im confused....
but no pain no gain....
nu ren tian shi ai mei li , bu zai hu tong....
women are really sadist sometimes....
i guess i hve to be a sadist once again...
courage!.

p/s; another zit appear beyond the lower lip. DARNZ!!!! what have i done to deserve this....

meow!!!!

internet shaky, so am i

been three days that office internet server is down.
we hve problems sending/receiving emails. (slow at times, cant at most)
poor Mr Tan is trying his very best to solve the issue, but den again singtel is the one with issue
theres not much he can do.
poor guy has to OT n OT n OT
he is already quite slim, so can Yantai pls give him a break.... ;P

p/s: mr tan , JIA YOU!!!!!!!

(i know u will read this eventually... haha)

ok internet aside...
im shaky recently too....

mood swings quite bad.. one min i m laughing, nx min i m cursing n crying...
think i m MAD!
n worse, below my lower lips are ZITS!!!! huge painful zits which i try to cover with concealer.
but i can feel it leh....
ROARRRRR
i is angry. i dun wan...
my face already have scars, now zits... i hate it!
so i slap on as much biotherm pimple cream as possible.
man it stings....
but i got no choice... haha
i hate ZITS. but den again who likes it.

pls bless me with luck that my zits will take a back seat n give me slightly more swee swee face for chinese new year...

talking abt chinese new yr, i haven start my shopping yet.
i have to.
seriously have to already...
just one set will do... to make myself feel good.
but im a pauper so its cheap clothes for me... heh heh...
chinese saying - ren kao yi zhuang, fuo kao jin zhuang.
for me i just hve to make it - yi kao ren zhuang, fuo kao jin zhuang.

aja aja fighting!
*zits, pls leave me!!!! *

- teaspoon -

i read it somewhere and i agree....

i measure my life with a teaspoon....
spoonful of sweetness, bitter, hot and salty....

p/s: i realise as much as i hate the fact that i hate that day, that particular scenario keeps flashing in my mind.... i realise u r part of my life, and that is why everything targeted at me makes my blood boil... i is angry.. but at the same time... sighzzzz.

last dance ;(

i went to watch the show - last dance
by francis ng, vivian hsu, and lots of ''extras''

i was full on anticipation when i went to catch the show. but sad to say i was disappointed.

the show is boring, confusing and singlish.

this is the second most boring show i have watch within the past two months.

hai~

think i better screen every show properly before i go head in and buy the tickets.

i need a man just like zheng yu

i need a man liked gong chan... but likewise i will love to have a man care for me like zhengyu.
im hooked again... on the drama - my girl

caught me hard!

flu and fever bug caught me hard!!!!!
down~ two days.....
cant reali talk too loud if not it will sound like a croak....

ktv madness ~ ros's birthday

went ktv with my girls n guys on monday 8-jan-2007 to celebrate rose's birthday which falls on 9th jan.
although i was hit with flu n fever bug already, i still went along....
think after much too many pearl tea, all of us start to get really crazy... but come to think abt it, isnt it always this case.... haha....
pictures!

the night with the gals ~5th jan

i went n meet my other fanatic 3 for dinner on friday night.
met with pure-blondie first at centrepoint and got introduced to her koochie for the first time.
after tat mad rush down to wine garage to meet jia-fay-cat (zan) and gracie for dinner.....
was pure joy meeting them cause its been really long since ive met up with the gals.
the topic of the night was kel's koochie and SXX! ... haha....
photo-whoring for a while... check out the prints....
after tat i headed to canary the clinic for a drink n make a change to MOS for some RNB pumping.
by 130am i was sleepy....
it was home sweet home!

stupid

jokes are meant to be FUNNY, not stupid
if its stupid, dun bother!

my new 'baby'

my smart phone finally start to lag..... turning retarded.
do not know is it cause the memory card too big or what.....
but its like turning ''senile''
so i pray hard to santa that i'll be a good gal and can he kindly give me a L'Amor edition for christmas....
and since i've been a good gal, santa granted my wish
i'll be a good gal, just for my 2007 xmas present.....
hee~

new year day - 1st jan 2007

hi ppl, hw was yr new year?
i count down at HOME!!!
oh gosh , yes i did....
i went auntie lailah house for steamboat dinner den i went home...
before it even reach midnight i was already sleepy already. but hang in there.
12midnight i wish my mummy happy new year n sealed it with a kiss.
sms all my close frens happy new year!.....
boring.. haha
anyway hope 2007 will be a great year!

:)