I ish cute

wo shi ke ai de!

clumsy belle

my legs turn wobbly and bam! i sprain my ankle and scrap my knee.
sob sob :'(
i is damn suay!

pictures galore

haven been posting pics... not much to show. lets just see some new year photos!

Happy Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day baby.
Thanks for being a phone call away.

sorry but its hilarious

http://idontwanttobefamous.blogspot.com/

i dont mean to be mean.
but its hilarious!!

Stuck

im still stuck at my assignment!
sheesh!!
i wish i was as smart as him!

a note to you

im sorry.
really...

emo momo

sigh. not a surprise anymore :/

i hope it taste nice as reviewed.

高?

SAME MISTAKE

So while I'm turning in my sheets
And once again, I cannot sleep
Walk out the door and up the street
Look at the stars beneath my feet
Remember rights that I did wrong
So here I go

Hello, hello

There is no place I cannot go
My mind is muddy but
My heart is heavy, does it show
I lose the track that loses me
So here I go

oo oooooo ooo ooo oo oooo...

And so I sent some men to fight,
And one came back at dead of night,
said "Have you seen my enemy?"
said "he looked just like me"
So I set out to cut myself
And here I go

oo oooooo ooo ooo oo oooo...

I'm not calling for a second chance,
I'm screaming at the top of my voice,
Give me reason, but don't give me choice,
Cos I'll just make the same mistake again,


oo oooooo ooo ooo oo oooo...

And maybe someday we will meet
And maybe talk and not just speak
Don't buy the promises 'cause
There are no promises I keep,
and my reflection troubles me
so here I go

oo oooooo ooo ooo oo oooo...

I'm not calling for a second chance,
I'm screaming at the top of my voice,
Give me reason, but don't give me choice,
Cos I'll just make the same mistake (REPEAT) again

oo oooooo ooo ooo oo oooo...

So while I'm turning in my sheets

And once again, I cannot sleep

Walk out the door and up the street

Look at the stars

Look at the stars, falling down,

And I wonder where, did I go wrong.

feeling shitty

having this sense of loneliness and emptiness bugging me.

Are we all so busy with our own on-going life that we forgot about others that are IN our lifes now also?
why do people need care? need concern? need attention?
TO NOT FEEL FORGOTTEN!
often the more we crave for TLC we get none.
often we seek attention we are ignored/neglected.
often this is the case.
people always say - if u keep chasing after something, it just slips away, further from you.

Is the stress getting to me?
How come i keep feeling shitty recently?
i wanna throw tantrums but i cant.
i wanna jus sit in one corner n whine, but i cant.
i wanna jus throw everything aside and run away, but i cant.
i jus feel empty.
where's my life?
my vibrant self?
come back to me.

and the oyster got FIRED.. chao you yu!

and i found out the oyster was 'sacked'
haa...

yes you

i love you!
yes you! stop looking around.
i do love you!

:D
Cheerios!

new name?

im contemplating changing my blog address.
why?
cause feifeizhu in the long run might reali come true in reflection.
hahaha.
hmmm, now what should i change to?

*pondering*

Lil Miss School AGAIN

Im blogging in the position of ms student feifeizhu.
the qns now on my mind is - what the hell possess me to want to carry on the book burden and study again.
i must have been crazy.
carrying on a financial burden for 5yrs. all for the sake of the tiny better quality sealed paper which eventually i will get it laminated for storage purpose.
that paper which is suppose to bring me to higher level in my career and make a difference in my life. does it?
the bf ask me today - r u tired?
my answer - im very tired.
he replies - c la. who ask u go n study. now become so tired. haha.
as much as i grumble, as much as he tease, we both know that getting this degree is for my own good. for OUR future?
work and school's been taking pretty much of my time.
friday nights are permanently burn out as far as i know now.
haha...
in a way its also ok cause i probably will shop less (i hope!)
i sleep less and in the process of developing dark rings n double vision recently (result of lack of slp).. haha...
commercial law is confusing me to the max lo.
i guess i better prepare my revision early.
plus, assignment due in week 6 & week 10.
acounting so far lecturer's been making it bearable.
for the amount im paying per lesson, i got to buck up my ass man!

roberto carrot jena tan, pls stop ur plans to keep tempting me to skip classes. tsk tsk tsk. go find a job quick la! :p

yawnz... sleepy...

feifeizhu signing out...

state of depression

in a state of depression
my pinky..

sigh!
pray hard its at bf's place.

God damn flu

Haven been myself lately.
Cough been bugging me since christmas till now.

n how do u know if you have a flu.
when ur nose is running from jogs to marathon
ur eyes r literally aching
u try yr hardest to breathe thru one ventilation hole thru what u have on ur face. nose. yes block nose.
u cough n cough, u secretly hope ur lungs will not pop out n bounce away from u.
ur throat itch and u wheeze.
at this moment, u wish someone will grab u, haul u onto the bed, turn down the blinds, tuck u in and just nurse u back to health.

sniff sniff. my hero? my nurse?

The reflection of my past, my 2007. and Big Hi 2008!

its 02.01.2008.
its strange. i need to get use to writing 2008 at e end of the dates i write from now on. cause 2007 left.
wow. fast.
2007 was a pretty fast year and quite a year i can say.

In 2007, i :
- got back a relationship i learn to want to treasure hard
- got my first ever 'appreciation' in work.
- plan my first christmas event for work.
- tried a new rush of feelings
- got accepted into SIM-RMIT
- got caught for jay-walking. (yes, wo shi ge you an di de xiao hai, sighz)
- went bangkok & batam.
- tried merchant court hotel for the first time
- for the first time, wanted to give up my heart.
- took on a debt to pave a way for my future.

from 2007, i brought to 2008 :
- my blurness
- my appointment book
- my shopaholic character
- my short comings
- my deficit bank account
- my family, my friends
- my old self.

In 2007, i seen myself pretty much the same. i still have the same job, same friends, still the ever eccentric family, my weird blow hot & cold boyfriend whom i still love.
What i didn't anticipate for myself in 2007 was i grown up a bit. i learn that often things dun go the way we want. the more we try to chase after something, the further it gets. so why not take a back seat and try to relax.
if its meant to be, its meant to be.
Everything seems to be using this logic. relationship, friendship, work, social life.
if we try too hard, in the end we are physically and emotionally torn apart when things dun go our way.
so lets take it easy.

So For 2008, i wan isabelle to:
- study hard and get good results.
- work hard and gain recognition
- save up for my yearly trips. this time i wanna go hong kong or taiwan.
- learn to be more understanding, to be more caring, to be more womanly.
- to love my family more

BYE 2007. i had fun, tears and anger with you.
Hi 2008, lets have a ball with u to see what's in store for me!

Happy new year peeps!

FISH LEONG - 2007 Concert [Today Is Our Valentine’s Day]

Am looking forward to being serenaded!!

Christmas!!

Merchant court was ok. room's bit small though. its the kinda room meant for businessman who is just there for a short trip. we had nice japanese grill but i didnt take any pictures :P
i had so much to drink , by 2am i KO already.







--> our christmas get away!

Thanks baby, for everything. Love the present. hugs!....

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!

Greetings!

Greetings from the emo bitch herself!

Merry CHRISTMAS!!!

may all your joyous moments bring you thru to a greater 2008!!

woo hoo woo hoo woo hooooo!!!

ITS THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY.... FALALALALALA

cheers!
kisses!

my christmas with my lil friends ... my lovable frens.

had a cosy and costly christmas dinner with my gals.
My lil xiao peng you-s :)
its always fun hanging out with them. just joke, drink and laugh laugh laugh.
i laughed so much i had cramps in my tummy.
hick hick...
wanna see the good food we had.... voila...
Merry christmas gals!
qinz.- rem to wear the .... ar! play mj, HUAT AR. woohoo!!




- i love my lovable lil kiddies.. :)



- cheers! to a brand new year soon.



- whats a meal without starters!







- yummy main courses. seabass, roasted lamb, pasta.





- nice & tasty desserts. yummy!





- signature cappucino... the heart shape one is the specially created for someone wor.. qinz hor...

another xmas

quite looking forward to this year
now! wat should i wear for xmas dinner?? :p

some quotes so true.

here are some of my favourite classic ones which I felt so true and meaningful. We may learn something out of it.

-If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If a man doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

- Stop making excuses for a man and his behaviour.

-If a relationship ends because a man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no , you can't be friends. A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

-Don't stay because you think "it'll get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

-The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

-Avoid men who've got a bunch of children from a bunch of different women.He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?

-Maintain boundary in how a guy treats you.

-Never let a man knows everything. He'll use it against you later.

- Don't ever make him feel he is more important than you are...even he has more education or has a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

- Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheats with you, he'll cheat on you.

- A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

- You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is two way streets.

- You should never look for someone to complete you...a relationship consists of 2 whole individuals...look for someone complimentary....not supplementary.

- Make him miss you sometimes. When a man always knows where you are, and you're always readily available for him, he takes you for granted.

significant or not?

why does something like that bothers me?
cause it means i aint family?
cause it means i aint important?
-.-
i really dont know.

Your address pls?

Thru different ways, we want to achieve the same cause:-

a nice girly message:

Hi boys & gals, please send me your address cause i wan to note down in my new pink diary.

a typical male breed kinda message:

u cb kias, better give limpei ur add understand. limpei shotgun give wedding invite.

True enough,
It made me LOL in the office

:(

nobody likes me :(
and im not talking abt relationship.

uber uber shock

baby, u made me uber shock.

i LOVE garnier/CLEO

I love Garnier/ CLEO!!

heaps!

:)
made me feeling like a lil gal again.

never changing habit

recent years i adopted a new habit.
i will go to my stylist when i am feeling down.
this has been on-going for a while.
so guess what. new fringe.

spa & drinks ~ HOUSE at Dempsey

Went dempsey last night.
HOUSE.. like an old army barracks.
with restaurant and spa.
was telling doube 'J', it will be nice if i have spa ,follow by a good dinner and drinks to chill with friends.

thank you for your hurt.

you HURT me in the most indirect but awful way.
you push the slightest memories we have to the deepest corner of the pacific ocean.
somewhere where you know you wun remember and will not be able to reach for it.
you let me learn that loving is not just giving in all the time
you let me know that my love is just a burden.
you let me hate the words - 'no' 'no need'
you let me feel like im commiting slavery to myself.
you punish me long enough.
im sorry now.
im just really sorry now for loving you too much, it hurts.
if you love me, will you hurt me?
once, now, future, you made/make/still makes me cry. or shd i say SOB.
i dun wanna think anymore
my heart is weeping

makes u sick

im a hamburger...
one too many makes u sick...

so what!

yes i am not happy?
so!
bite me!
if not fuck off!

alone

崇拜

你的姿态 你的青睐
我存在在你的存在
你以为爱 就是被爱
你挥霍了我的崇拜

我豁了 我爱了
我都不管了
心爱到疯了 恨到散了
就好了

可能的 可以的
真的可惜了
幸福好不容易怎么你却不敢了呢

我还以为我们能不同于别人
我还以为 不可能的 不会不可能

你的姿态 你的青睐
我存在在你的存在
你以为爱 就是被爱
你挥霍了我的崇拜

风筝有风 海豚有海
我存在在我的存在
所以明白 所以离开
所以不再 为爱而爱
自己存在在你之外

not worthy

A great lecturer

I started off my everyday routine, checked emails and friendster for messages.
happen to see a friendster message from Cherlyn.
open it and man! was i uber stun!

message goes: hey, do you know michael sng CH pass away.

i was liked HUH WTF for a while.
quickly pick up my mobile and sms her.
she replied - i saw his obituary in the papers yest.
WTF.

Michael Sng was our Maths Lecturer during poly days.
He is my favourite lecturer cause he really knew how to understand youngster's thinking.
he will always let us munch in class but he say no chips cause too noisy.
a bowl of bee hoon?? - NO PROBLEM.
he will give us great tips for test and exams and guide us along.
he even let me put him as a referee for my resume.
even if he doesnt teach us anymore, he will always stop to chat with us if he sees us along the way.
he was a great lecturer.
he was a nice man.

condolences to his family.
To mr sng( or he will let us call him michael), you will always be remembered.

p/s:
as jon say - there is a saying - the good die young.

sigh~~

where are you?? come back to me.

where are you?

where is your smile?
where is your lame/cold jokes?
where is your frequent calls?
where is your replies to my sms?
where is your hug?
where is your reach-out-and-hold-my-hand?
where is your warm embrace?
where is your cheeky attitude?
where is your love?
where is your care?
where is your tender looking eyes?

where are you???

your eyes r cold
your calls are NONE
your replies r NO.
your hug is not present
your warm embrace is not there
your love?
do you care?

hz long must i be punish?
how long will u take to realise i love you?
how long will you be you?

i dont want anything!
i just want YOU to be you.. to come back to us being you!
pls come back!

Life is so fucking fragile. RIP

Been reading news lately, following the dragon boat tragedy of the Singapore Team in Cambodia.
Although i do not know the rowers , but its really a SHAME.
All 5 who met with death are excellant ppl who r doing Singapore proud.
WORSE still they are SO YOUNG!
thank god, 17 others managed to stay alive.
Condolences to those who sacrificed for glory this time.

Short news :

It was a tearful farewell for the 17 surviving teammates of 5 Singaporeans who drowned in Cambodia's dragon boat accident - including (l-r) Poh Boon San, Jeremy Goh and Reuben Kee - as they knelt in prayer on the edge of the Tonle Sap River

For those who wants to see blog dedicated to them, i only manage to find one - www.rememberingjerbroni.blogspot.com

rest in peace.

happy birthday

Happy birthday to the greatest love in my life....
my dearest MAMA!!!
love you loads mummy!
although i still think u nag too much. :p

'congratulate me'

quick congratulate me.
i m now officially going to lead a dog's life and spend like a cat.
all for the sake of a piece of cheap laminated paper and a square head gear that is only won for less den a few hours.
sigh... im so superficial ....

no more when. no more what if.

its a pressure
being in love and being love is pressurizing.
if i love you more den u love me, its natural.
but if the gap is too huge its pressurizing.
for both you and me.

out normal life there is already so much pressure from the surroundings.
family, friends, work, studies.
alot.

love should be natural, carefree and happy.
enjoying the company of each other, able to pour sorrows to each other, able to understand each other.
most importantly, communicate with each other.

i realise the more u love someone who cant love you as much is just creating an invisible burden, physically and emotionally.
when i cry i want you to console me, what if you turn the other direction?
when i get moody, i wan u to cheer me up, what if you turn the other way?
when i have good news i want to share with you, what if you dun rejoice?
i have loads of love to give around, what if you dun accept?
when i make u mad, i wanna say sorry, what if you wun hear?
when i hurt you, i want to make it up to you, what if you dun care?
when if i decided to leave you without telling you, what if you dun even give a damn?
if loving is a pressure to you, the more 'when' i have, the more 'what if' you will fufil.
pushing someone for an answer, a conclusion, a decision is tough and adds on to the tears streaming down.
its not right.
love shd be self-less, natural and given freely.
if you think the less 'what if' you are force to fufil makes you happy den be happy.
having less 'when' reduces the heart from jerking once too often.

we ourself gets so pressurized we put the ppl ard us in pressure also.
aint want tat to happen.
i pray to ppl ard me to be happy.
to love selflessly.
i no longer want to bother abt 'when' anymore.

quote

someone told me
~ this is my heart n soul. smash it into a hamburger and enjoy it.

how true is that?

说真的 ~ this time it hurts uber bad...

说分手却还是再复合
但最伤心的话却都已说过了
会突然就不知该说什么
而每一个微笑也不能再一样了
有太多的分分合合太多的伤口难愈合
我们该怎么回到当初那样呢
我想着想着人也瘦了
我想着想着夜都深了
我不想再想了不如就算了
我想着想着泪都干了
我想着想着天又亮了
我不想再想了
这一次说真的算了

这一次说真的算了不如就算了
不如就算了算了算了说真的

我想着想着人也瘦了
我想着想着夜都深了
我不想再想了不如就算了
我想着想着泪都干了
我想着想着天又亮了
我不想再想了
这一次说真的算了

good news

I received good news but i dont reali feel excited about it.
sighz~

寂寞

一个人偶尔感到寂寞再所难免

我会好好过

你的爱很像泡沫
太轻或太重
都不在手中
我的爱就像天空
太放或太收
你都只是风
你来过却爱上自由
你出走我不问理由
等你再爱我
总有个角落
会让你想起我
向右或向左
都有我站在这里守候
你留下很多
够我面对寂寞
寂寞不重
重是爱太多
当你回头
看到的一定是我

our song....

为什么

为什么从头了又要伤害我
为什么又让我这样难过
你是故意还是无心
怎能对我这样无情
为什么你又要让我哭泣
为什么又让我这样过

no one

Living with or without

which is harder now?
living with someone or living without someone?
i really dont know.
often we let our hearts bring us on the path in front of us. no matter how much our mind wants to block out the heart, it usually fails.
often we ask ourself, without the other party, can we live? can we still carry on our daily lifes. still laugh, cry, get angry, eat, slp and make merry?
i keep asking myself, what is more scary.
living with a doubt in the heart or living without the person.
i really dont have an answer.
everyone say being better, treating ourself better makes us a happier person.
m i not treating myself well enough?

R.a.i.n.b.o.w

Does seeing rainbow means the stormy weather is leaving soon?
Does it mean anger will get over soon?
sigh. im upset.
i hate seeing him mad at me.

i am sorry

i am sorry.
in spite of my anger, i should have hold back my lashing.
sorry baby

a convenience

having random mood feelings.
a moment happy, a moment frustrated, a moment just nonchalent.
everyday is a war. a war with our inner self. a war with the people around us.

yes. im being emo again.
i realise i am starting to hate the way ppl around me treats me.
im just like a convenience.
oh, no one to chat, call isa
oh, no one to go out with, call isa.
oh, no one to ask to help, call isa.

i dont mind helping, dun mind listening, dont mind going out. but i mind being only a convenience.

its being only a convenience that causes me to be emo.

sigh.

i need to cheer up.

SAMSUNG brought US together

MY lovely friendship with my lil frens.
my xiao peng you.
these two are the treasures i value from Samsung.
:)

rainbow after a storm

we had misunderstandings but we overcome it!



we survived it. time is never a factor. when we meet up its jus pure FUN.
thats why we are fanatic 4

we all grew up

We went thru marriage ( not to each other)



we went thru years of birthday



we grew up tgt for a phrase in our life!

den and now

Back den, i might have smell weird.... note: i look hideous in the pic. my eyes arent usually that small. gulpz




Right now, i smell good.
as good as we look.
:)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NADIA!!!

to my lovely lil cousin,
NADIA D/O GULAM SARWAR SHAH S/O HYATT SHAH

LOL...

happy birthday babe!
stay pretty and cheeky always.
remember no more secrets to be kept from me.
i wun scold u cause im always here for you.

NO MORE TATTOOS...
u look fine now....

love u babe!

still missing you ...想你

its been almost a year and i still miss u loads.
times that bring back many fond memories.
the stuff u cook,
the stuff u love,
the clothes that can suit you
the jewellery you wear,
the tongkat you use,
the wonderful curry puff you insist on making.
annual dumpling festival is never same without you. without your traditional home made dumplings fill with eggs & meat, just nice to our taste buds.
the coke that you love to drink and your milo without sugar.
the carrot cake with sugar u made nadia buy you when u were hospitalised.
the lil handbag you like to carry around with all your barangs barangs inside.
the joy you displayed when all your grandchildren goes with you to the market.
im sorry i din went last year cause i couldnt get up. i din know it was the last time.
im sorry i couldnt get married in time for you to witness it.
we still miss you so much till now.
at times conversations jus go, ''last time ah ma will do this, do that ....etc etc''
if up above u sense my fear to see u now, pls forgive me.
i miss you a lot but i duno how can i face ah ma who is an illusion and not a reality.
i duno if i can still hold your hands anymore, i dont know if you still can hear me anymore.
i dont think i can get over this fear.
its not abt you nt being a human anymore, but rather its abt u not being able to be here physically anymore.
i know you are up there watching us.
i just want you to know we miss you. awfully lots.
我想你 外婆
i miss you ah ma!

shopaholic us

Been a while since i Met up with mag.
even before she went hkg on sep 20 for her business trip.
met up with her last nite. was great.
we had sushi, favourite ar!
after that we shop ard a bit.
den end up where else? STARBUCKS.
we just talked and talked and talked.
before we knew it, time to head back.
but im sure aint the end.

:)

check out the amazing photos done by ms hongkie chow.
its mei daoooooooo!!!!!

and mr E, it is NOT ah lian lingo.

a reflection, never a reality

E is right.
its all just a moon reflection in the water.
a mirage
an illusion
a fantasy.

i should never have let this fuck up my mind.
shouldnt have let this bothered me.
i should know my own calibre and not aim for something higher den my own.

its just a reflection of my fantasy, never a reality.

bothersome.

bad girl

today's a rainy day and i have been a bad girl.
dun reali wan to elaborate much. just that i have been naughty and its not right.
at least not to me.
*shakes head*

time to wake up liao!

------------

carol says:
go pub only drink milk
because beer is bad for health.

translate into chinese.
complete with cowboy tune

LOL

is it a habit or a fault?

can never understand why baby cant reply sms at times.
its like selective reply for selective sms received.

hmmm....

mag says she has this issue with Mr D as well.

haa.. and the weird condition is it applies to love ones onli. frens not included.

i dont know,
but i just find it annoying when ppl dun reply my sms.
haha.
yesh. i know im guilty of it as well. but now i dont ma.

haa...
sometimes just like to chit chat a bit rubbish with him onli.

oh well.
guess its a habit? fault?
:p

sigh.
baby... change?

fed up with you

Im getting fed up with you.
fed up with your selfish ways and lazy manner.
you never bothers to move your arse around
even when someone requires your help, your fat arse is still stuck.
you are not helpful, not friendly, and you are selfish!

all falls in one after another

In the midst of my fuck up mood, i found out a few things:

1. my dear lil cousin has a bf. OMG!. it may seem like a small thing to u all but to me its like wah!.
she's always been my dearest lil cousin. din expect to see her all grown up and dating.
anyway all the best cousin!....

2. again, my dear lil cousin nv fails to stun me with her antics. she's got yet another tattoo. an eagle to keep her phoenix company. how strange. the ppl ard me r doing tattoo, yet the thought of needles poking me is good enuf to make my knees weak and wobbly. as much as i get intrigued with the tattoos done in Miami ink, i can never get the courage to get one done on me. gosh. loser.

3. i realise when your day starts out bad, usually bad things happen along the way. i went to pack lunch back n the person forgot my order. piss. am piss.

4. one of the buttons of my cardi is missing. rushed to work and put on the cardi in the office one bottom less. shit shit shit.

-------------

sigh!!

current mood : SHIT SHIT SHIT!

geez my headache is acting up again.
been havin regular headaches.
thanks! roarrr!

All i ask is for a fairer treatment

All i ask is for a fairer treatment.
i learn to try to understand you have your stress, your unhappiness and all your anger.
But i just dont feel that it is fair.
Maybe u will say im an ungrateful wretch, but have you sit down n ask yourself - why did it happen?
U know i love you, in fact very much.
But i reali cant agree with your character.
everything happens for a reason. just like the way you like to do your things.
but haven you ever think for a second that your way of doing things is adding to your own stress level?
since young i know this is cultivated but do you know in the process of it, you hurt me many times?
U blame everyone for your unhappiness, for the anger you suffered but have you thought of stopping it from happening?
U let the jerks step over you with authority and leave u simmering in anger.
Many times i told you to leave and just settle for something lower, but much more happy.
deep down you know u hold back cause u regarded the kinship.
but hell! is it worth it?
in return u get frustrated, u get angry, u get piss. and whos the fool tat bears the brunt of it? YOURS TRULY!

i admit im a lazy bummer, i just like to nua.
but cant you just talk to me nicely.
i think if you do compare i m much better den the other one.
at least i still move my ass ard. he? he does nothing but stays in his room with her.
when u r mad at anything or anyone, u vent on me.
u show me a black face, u start mumbling murderous phrase. u start tearing and make it like i tried to snatch u of your life.
but does he get such treatment? he DONT.
all you do is smile at him and let him get away with pretty much whatever he wants.
i DONT smoke , have NEVER tried before. YET you always accuse me of smoking behind your back.
I can shout out loud with all my friends and even baby as witness that i DONT and HAVE NEVER even smoke or tried in my entire 25yrs worth of shit life.
Never once have u apologize for accusing me.
when he smokes, all u do is try to persuade like a kitten. and what u get? two bloody smokers in e house and lotsa of bad air.
Maybe other ppl r right, maybe i m jus a memory of your past tat you dont wan to remember.
but i dont have a choice to choose , do i?
u paid for his studies, but when i ask u for a loan to study , u say NO.
how do u think i felt?
i felt numb. cause i know all along i never meant that much to you.
so what if im a gal and he is a guy.
does that mean he dont have to bear this shit from you. does having a different genetic organs mean he get different treatment????
can you tell me why u treat me like this??
do u reali consider me as a thorn in your heart???
i am so sick of everything.
i thought i chose an escape to get away from problems from my r/s but i realise it was also an escape from kinship.

i cried myself to sleep yesterday. but did you know?
no u DONT.
u refuse to look at me, to acknowledge my lil chat, to even respond.
instead u move away when i tried to sit near you.
why did you?
you will never do that to him. never.
if you think i m jus being nonsensical but i have ppl telling me they can see for themselves that we both get different treatment.
if u think only you are frustrated, only you are angry.
im sorry - i am too.
in fact i m hurt n disappointed.
i know you love me but just not as much as for him.
favouritism?
i think it is.
maybe i am not as smart as him, to earn much as he is schooling now.
but i do have my plus points too.
all i want is for you to realise that i cant take it much longer
i cant take this kind of i fuck you but i smile at him kinda of treatment anymore.
i really feel sick.
u make me feel like i am a burden to you. u make me feel like having me is liked having a jinx around you.

i can try to learn to do more around the house.
but can you learn to look at me from the same level as him?
can you?
its been 22 years.
how many more to come?

im bleeding inside.
the wound split apart again.

One month warranty

My baby the plumber!
Help my mum to fix the plumbing system for my kitchen sink
He's my helpful, my personal plumber.
told my mum he grant a month's warranty for fixing it.
LOL

still, appreciate it dearie.

tired , tired and tired

Its friday today.
sianz-ness is overwhelming me.
i got a pile of work to clear but i am so not in the mood.
haven been feeling well.
tummy rebelling and now my head's aching also.
damn!
i seriously dun understand why recent headaches always causes pain from the side of my head all the way down to the neck.
its like someone is pulling my veins from inside.
painful!!
took a panadol. hope it works.

roarrr

happy birthday

Happy birthday to one of my two dearie xiao peng you - Jena Tan !!!!

she's the one who's always there when i need someone to crap, to whine and to sob to!
she's the one who 'encourage' me to spend a bomb in bangkok. haah.
she's the one who is always damn busy with projects.
she's the one who loves shorts and tees so much.

she's my good good friend!!!!

HUGS!! and kisses!!!

Should guys carry or not?

A random debate between the ling and me.
we were just walking down from admiralty overhead bridge and my arms were aching.
had this big bag with stuff in it.
so being the whiny me i start to whine and wanted my bag to be carried.
the ling being a totally man held the bag with two fingers and carried 10cm away.
noticing it, i ask;

i - why u carry the bag so far
him - this way ppl see the bag closer to you, they will think u r carrying it.
i - huh. why lei. u can jus carry for me mah.
him - dun wan la. i dun like to carry a gal's bag.

the debate started for a while.
me being a woman, insists guys will do it. its a form of showing their gentleman side.
he absolutely doesnt agree.

so should guys help to carry a gal's bag?
hmmm...
till the day he decides to stand on my side, i guess i will be carrying my own first.

super cute!