its liked a dream. i woke up

i think the pressure is getting too heavy on me.
i don't want to pretend i am fine when i m not.
i dislike smiling. smiling when my heart is not.
i am really unhappy.
i dun feel care/concern or whatsoever shit.
i think i need to disappear to be on my own.
all along i m the fool
the fool who's fooling myself.
the one who is kidding myself everything is fine and i have what i want and i can be with who i want.
its all just a joke.
this joke is getting so big i feel stupid.

i really think i m not cut out for the adult's world of fun and games.
everyone is playing mind games with me.
everyone is fucking up my mind with their conversations, their lies, their hidden actions.
its so scary.
one minute i can smile at you, but at yr back i m stabbing straight at your heart
i'm just a replacement.
replacement when friends is unable to meet u
replacement when the one u love ditch you
replacement when loneliness overcomes you.
i m just in other words A SUBSTITUTE!!

its time i snap out.
im leaning too much far back.
i just want to be alone now.