pardon my language

FUCK you! really fuck you!

sorry but FUCK

thoughts... cherish....

was rotting on my living room couch when thoughts came to my mind.

flashback from the past start flashing thru my mind.
i guess everyone break up or die or leave for a reason.

i had a chat with a friend today.
she told me she sort of regretted breaking up with her bf due to her stubborn character at that time.
actually when they just broke off, we had a talk too and she was really very sure he wasnt the one for her.
now 8months down the road, they r still friends. the guy is attached recently, the gal just ended a relationship recently. she's upset abt her recent break off and certain reality make her see the gd points the ex bf has. often ppl only see and cherish their close ones when they loses them.
ah ma pass away 6mths ago. till now at times i still miss her. miss her curry puff, miss her broken english, miss her pig organs soup, miss her, just miss her.
preston left too but i din have enuf time or chance to know this lil cousin more but i still dream of him once in a while.
my r/s ended months ago. but at times i still miss him. miss the support that he gives me at times.

its when everyone left den i learn to cherish the ppl around me. everytime ppl take for granted the ppl around them. At times my mum nag at me, she vents her anger n frustrations on me or she refuses to talk to me, but i still love her and i know she loves me....
I learn to nua at home more with her. but i seldom go shopping with her.

ppl , please learn to cherish the ones around you ya.
you never know when they will be gone.
things happen for a reason but when you make a decision BE VERY SURE that is what you want.
its not often we get a second chance and if you do, cherish it too.
and if you ever make any decision and wants to explain and get a second chance with the person u let down, tell them. be it a second chance granted or not, just try. at least when u tried, u can answer to yourself, to your inner heart. :)

let it over naturally

xueli saw this somewhere yesterday and told me to think abt it;

emotional setbacks can be hurful. If you are not ready to move on, you are not ready, don't force yourself. Let your feelings exist. They will be over and done with before you realise.  

i need to slim down....

ok fine. i think many of u heard me saying i want to slim down... not that i din try.. but i guess i shall stick with my routine.
i have to slim down at least 2kg and 1size down. (aint going to tell u what size i am now).. haha

i got a sample of a diet menu i want to try out :

Bfast - 2 slice of bread & fruit juice (non sugar kind)

Lunch - 1/2bowl of rice, 1/2palm size meat (fish/chix), 100gm vege.

Dinner - white noodle, 3/4palm meat, 100gm veg.

in between fruits allowed.

pls dun ask me why carbo allowed in this diet cause i got this plan from a friend.
but anyway just try it out. no harm.

for exercise;
once a week visit to the gym (1 - 1.5hrs gym routine)
everynight sit ups n crunches. - im starting on a low count first if not i mite strain myself... i not that young liao :p

i guess i have to learn to stick thru this.
my bday coming up, need to be able to go bkk and buy all the nice small size clothes... hai.. wtd, they onli have it all in small size.
and i need to tone up for gracie's wedding also to look mei mei in the dress that i will eventually get in august ba... haha....

so i need to slim down man!
current weight is like 4xkg..... so need to slimmmmmmmmmm
ROAR....
i tink more impt is the excess fats ard the waist area.... shucks
should i take up zun's advice and do the hula hoop.. haha.... but i reali suck at it ...
hmmm...... *pondering*

p/s: i read furfurangel's blog and i am sooooooo bloody tempted to go taiwannnnn!!!!!

caterpillar pan

i think i m really a caterpillar.
i bought a total of 6 pairs of shoes this month of March.
i really feel ashamed of myself for spending too much and on shoes.
i think i m a shoe freak.
i have like almost 50pairs of shoes and probably 1/5 is not worn yet.
my mum constantly nagging at me to stop buying shoes.
i really cant stop cause i LOVE shoes...
and its like i have to constantly upkeep my wardrobe to match my shoes collection. ha ha :)

Shoes! shoes! shoes!
women can nv do without shoes, bags, clothes... material satisfaction.
ROarrrrr *blush*

ms Tan Xiuhui pre-birthday outing

Ms Xiu Hui birthday on 26March.... so me n jena went out with her on 23rd MArch.
we went for dinner at sakae sushi, heeren.
afterwhich we went to watch movie STomp the Yard. not badz la....
simple outing....
but glad she love the gift.

:)

aussie 'honey'

aussie honey coming back.... next weds... for good perhaps.....

in a way both happy n sad la....

happy he can let down part of his stress burden already...
sad cause i know its not easy for him to make this decision too....

but anyway he's got my support...

JON ! see u back in singapore....

p/s: oops den again i no need save money go brisbane alreadi... haha.... taiwan den... :0)

happy like a lil bird

im happy like a lil bird.
i got something that i always wanted...
thanks to my mummy....

: )

lalalalalallalalalalalalaal
tweet tweet !

10th - 13th may

looking forward to my break
everything is pretty much confirmed already.
slightly happy like big bird.
im sure the gals are looking forward to May 10th to 13th as well.

countdown !

Da GE - JAnice

08.大哥
作 编:robert lay @ on your mark
填词:林夕
监制:雷颂德
如果兄妹相称太多
醒不起喜欢我
快研究和我这异性拍拖
讹称知己的真太多
当女共男未变爱侣
不吻过自然没结果
没有好感怎会相亲相爱大哥只是掩饰
能做对爱侣堕落成朋友
谁心息
我要爱情不需要登对不需得你允许
兄妹真有趣不需要分居
忘掉辈份再追
我要爱情摧毁世交也不失一个创举
相恋的证据假使要争取
唯有约定和大哥喝醉
曾经双手执一杆枪
想逼供你一趟
我和你无爱谁没有智商
如果恋爱必须创伤
想你亦明白到我俩
需开心都也受够伤

sick n frustrated!

im not feeling well... having diarrhoea and cramps...
but deep down emotionally i think i m not feeling well also....

im SICK of hoping some one care!
sick of thinking someone will care.
but i guess its just stupid... freaking stupid.
no one cares for you , only urself, and ur family!

stop being stupid!!!!

ROAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

my new hook on song - way back into LOVE *OST: Music & lyrics*

Cora:
I've been living with a shadow overhead I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on

Alex:
I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need em again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

Chorus: [Both]
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh

Cora:
I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

Alex:
I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not just somebody just to get me throught the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions

Chorus: [Both]
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

bothered

feeling all hot and bothered now....
weather is freaking hot. air con is permanently spoilt.... damn!

but deep down im feeling very bothered...
the fixture from the past is in my heart...

every indication, every action, every word speaks a thousand meaning.
every laughter
every wink of the eye
every reason
every thing....

ive decided i aint goin to decipher all these meanings...
cause we cant live our life based on assumption.
so i guess its just better left alone...

like xue li said:
when u want to forget something/someone, u will onli think of it more.
but when u jus let it go with the flow, you will remember the thing/person but eventually the hurt just aint that tight in yr heart already.

-unsettled-

5th may.... D day.....
feeling all weird now thinking of it....

deceived!!!

dont be deceived by looks!
no matter how close u are to someone, dont get deceived.
you will never know what will the person do behind your back!
trust me.....

i know everyone tell white lies.... but deceiving is a totally whole diff story.....

aussie honey not in a good mood

spoke to my aussie honey today.... haha....
he seems like really in a low mood recently.
everything is liked not going well for him
chin up jon! everything will be fine for you!
im sorry im not goin over in May but no worries DEC ya!

:)

p/s: u know the number to call if you nd anyone to talk to.

Nxxxx service

sad to say i was rather disappointed by Nxxia's service.
yes i am happy they had the stock of my baby's butt.
but i m not happy that their CS are not so friendly, maybe not all at fault.
but the one that did mine was rather not professional enough.
she took my battery out of my phone without switching it off first...
den she was so guai lan in asking me to wait.
then she kept swinging my hp around holding on to my hp strap.
angry!
thats my phone lei....

im glad i got my baby all nice and fix but pls improve the service.

-

i love you.......

dreamzzzzzzz dreamzzzzz dreamzzz dreamzzz dreamzzzzz

backside back!

my baby got his backside back...
what to do, i went to get him a new backside from nokia.
a brand new shiny butt.
at 25 freaking dollars... geez... PENG (read in thai) !!!!
but i feel much better seeing him with his full gear...
although i know someone who knows that my baby got hurt is unhappy...
sorry....

all things must come to an end

all good things must come to an end...
when we had the talk i realise u r happy now the way u are.
i guess its the way u always wanted.
although verbally u said ur frens are all busy with their own things and dont contact you much so u quite miserable at times.
but i guess ur frens does have time for you at times when they r not so occupied.
between us i guess the cycle went round too many times.
each of us is just saddled with more n more unhappiness in ourselves.

after i see that you are well now, i guess the cycle is finally over.
take care ya...
we will always be friends.
n u will always have a soft spot in my heart...
you will always be my pabu....
: )

night at MOS - 9/3/2007

- tian tian steam boat.... eat eat eat....


- group shot

-MOS wow wow drink : red ice.... love this drink. concoction of vodka,7-up,syrup & red ice... blinking red ice...

went MOS last nite.
it was really fun and i drank alot in fact.
but drinking marks my doom, i went butter fingers and drop my Le'Amor on the floor. sia la. in the end i couldnt find the back cover. so sad. n i seriously hope there is another new one to buy... if not it wont be completed anymore. sad :(

my 'le amore' got hurt

im sorry to my baby le'amore.
im sorry i let u get hurt.
i shd not have drunk so much n drop u on the MOS floor...
now you dun hve the back casing
u r not the original you anymore
you are not the you anymore
im upset
i really am....

rules of the game

i realise i have been dumped not once but twice... and its cause i do not understand the rules of the game.
Love is like a game of starcraft.
it is a game of greater precision and careful planning.
A game of power.
it is a manipulation of emotions to control the mind.

when i am in a relationship i often let myself down cause i sink into the game without realising the rules.
i do everything for him.
when we meet i run to him
when i call him , he's always the one who hang up first.
when he shouts, i whimper.
when he's furious i tremble.
this should NOT be the case.

everyone is as much at a same level as the other.
u let down ur guard and lose and then cry cause you are hurt.

but in the first place u neglected the rules and allow/approve of the other player trampling onto you and claiming victory.

Love is not always a game... its only a game when the other party treats you as a pawn.... a toy.... a stepping stone....

remember rules....
bend it n be flexible but not NOT following it.

females and the wonders of female assets

had lunch with WC and 'sweet sweet' just now.
topic started moving towards females and their proud assets.
it seems like WC & SS are not very happy with their current assets... and for me i feel that it can be decrease.
haha.... so weird right.
but i always felt if given tat choice, i mite be able to wear more pretty tops and much slimmer cut tee shirts.
but WC & SS felt tat i was crazy...
oh well.... perhaps i shd slim down den my assets will just decrease also....
fats also too much.... hahaha... no like fats.....

tremors

oh gosh just now for a mere 10seconds, our office experience tremors....
den i realise its not onli us. but more liked most part of spore.
still hve no idea where the tremors came from
but i hope that country will not have any casualties/
god bless them....

n for a moment i tot i was staring too much at the computer so i felt giddy... geez... haha

outrage

im sorry but i m appalled by all this games.
really...
its so so so low....
how can you break a trust, a bond tht was there.
its outrageous!
OMG!

SEX and what guys feel....

GUYS tell all abt how they feel abt sex & women:


1. Kissing and romance mean as much to us as sex. "There has to be an emotional foundation for sex," says Ed Fertik, a Brooklyn, New York, bachelor. It's not that men don't love unforgettable sex; they do. But in a serious relationship, they want it preceded and followed by romance, kisses, hugs, and a loving touch. Contrary to the notion that men just want to roll over and play dead after intercourse, many guys say they do want to cuddle afterward. Some will even admit they'd like you to read to them or rub lotion on their bodies (and they'll do the same for you, if you ask!).

2. We like you just the way you are; no models required! Hollywood and fashion magazines may make women feel they must have taut tummies and look model-perfect, but guys say they appreciate real women with foibles and imperfections. And personality counts! "Warmth is a much bigger turn-on than cleavage," says Clifford Berkley, a divorcee in Staten Island, New York.

3. We love when you cook us a meal, knit us a scarf, or buy us something we need without our asking. Guys aren't saying that they want women stuck in conventional household roles, just that they enjoy the surprise of a special meal on the table, a homemade gift, or a thoughtful gesture. "I love it when my wife buys me something she knows I need for work," says Douglas Hanau, a New York City newlywed. "Or when she prepares a meal for me that she's never made before."

4. We want to be constantly admired. Guys know they're not perfect, but they want you to tell them they are, or at least highlight frequently the things they do best. If he's great with stuff around the house, ask him to fix something by telling him what a great job he did on the last fix-it task. If he's a gifted writer, ask him to write you love notes, and tell him how much you love his way with words. He wants you to look for his strengths and applaud them -- often! There's also no bigger turn-on, guys say, than a woman who notices the small things he does to be considerate.

5. We appreciate when you contribute financially, especially if you can afford to. Men like to treat women to special things, but they also like to be treated, in return. Share the financial burden of a relationship and know your guy's financial situation; be sensitive to what he can afford. Don't expect a $200 night on the town if that's the sum total of his monthly savings. And don't forget to break out your wallet. "If she earns a good living and is otherwise liberated, I appreciate her helping out," says Fertik. You don't have to split the bill on every night out; just take out your wallet some of the time, men suggest.

6. Being kind to our mothers, siblings, and annoying relatives scores big points with us. Guys so appreciate when women go out of their way to be kind to their families. If there's a relative who's particularly annoying, remember, your man often feels as much frustration or antipathy toward the person as you do. But blood is thicker than water, and a little patience and effort go a long way. Bring along a special treat for a big family meal; send a warm thank-you note after you've visited; or participate in the weekly phone call your guy makes to his mom. Ask him how he prefers you to show your interest.

7. Unusual spots for sex turn us on. Men like to get out of the bedroom. They'd like you to offer up your bathroom, your kitchen, and other unusual spots for a special afternoon of love-making. "There's nothing like sex in the afternoon," says Berkley (especially, he says only half-jokingly, if you'll let him indulge in watching a TV sporting event later). And when it comes to fantasies, they're happy to play along with yours, and they love for you to indulge theirs. Another guy request: They want to talk to you about sex, openly and candidly.

8. We want to be validated all the time. It may sound like psycho-jargon, but men like to talk about their feelings, and they like when you echo those feelings back to them so they feel understood. Guys also love to talk about work, interactions with colleagues -- and sports. Give them their rants. And if they are creative, or concocting an idea a minute for work, they want to lay out their ideas for you to applaud. So applaud! "There's nothing that turns me on more than a girl who asks me to explain the logistics of football calls," says Berkley. "It can be a great bonding moment."

9. We need you to encourage us to take risks, and support us if we fail. If your man has a chance for a promotion at work, he wants your encouragement and support. Build up his confidence by listing all the reasons he should try for the promotion. Also, guys don't want you to change their bad habits; they say they're well-aware of the things they're not so good at. But you can gently offer suggestions for coping or altering annoying habits. "Great is the gal who helps me make fun of my foibles," says Berkley.

10. We can have platonic friendships with females. Don't assume we've got something to hide if we want an hour to play racquetball or four hours to play golf, guys say. Female friends are also a necessary ingredient in many men's social routines -- and work connections make it likely that some of a guy's close friends may be women. If you're concerned that a friendship is turning romantic, talk to him candidly about your worries -- but don't presume foul play.

11. We like women who are assertive, but not aggressive. If you want to try something out in bed, guys are almost always game. Assertiveness is also welcome when planning a weekend getaway, a vacation or even a night out. Let your guy know what you like in a soft-spoken, caring way. Others prefer subtle assertiveness. "Manipulate us in a feminine way," says Berkley, "but don't let us know we're being manipulated." That means don't try stuff that's too strange too soon in a relationship; talk and communicate.

12. We're not as different from you as you think. Books that tout the differences between the sexes may be hot on the best-seller lists, but guys yearn for the same emotional connections that women do -- they just express those needs differently. "Guys who tell you they don't need to be close and bond -- with women or with each other -- are lying," says Berkley. To keep the bond strong, ask your guy often what you can do to make him feel more loved. He'll love you back even stronger.

i love all of you!

when two people just get together, they start to learn all the 'real' things about each other.
they learn about each other's flaws and gd points.
often we say if we love a person we will overcome anything...
but one too many r/s breaks up because of flaws.
when things get really down hill or nasty, all u see is the other person's flaws. you dont see anything else. its liked an invisible cover there to cover up all the gd pts and push all the nastiness straight out of you.
ppl hurt each other with flaws. with words.
i prefer to say humans seldom have control over their anger and the words that doesnt get filter from their mouth.

i often thought he dun wan me means he is hurting me.
but i guess its not this case. i hurt him as well.
i hurt him in indirect ways during our r/s process.
even though i know i hurt him too, i dunno how to put it in words, but i know i hurt him too...
for this, im sorry.

when 2 person quarrel, smetimes it comes to a pt when one will say - i put in so much into this r/s, what have u put in? I FEEL THAT I LOVE YOU MORE DEN YOU LOVE ME.
FUCK!
pardon my language.
its reali bullshit crap.
cause love is not able to measure. you cant say how much u love a person or how much you put in for the person. cause it cant be measured.
you can say '' i think i have done my best or i may not have done my best''
there is no measurement. its not like buying vege , the kind u can count by kilograms.
you say you love the person more den he/she does back to you. WHY???
mayb you do care more abt the person but this is your choice.
you choose to love/care for the person more. this is FA ZHI NEI XING. so u cant blame the other party.
and pls rem, every one has their own way of caring. you may take note of little details but the other party may shine in other aspects as well.
for me, im insensitive. i dun really know how to read other ppl's minds unless they communicate with me. i used to make many mistakes but i m trying to improve now. friends/ loved ones may make me unhappy at times but i know eventually they care for me alot. for this, i love all my friends and loved ones. no matter how sometimes i get piss at insensitive comments ppl make, i try to put it that they care so they make comments...
no matter how bad tempered my brother is i try to bear with it cause he is family.
no matter how my mum flare her temper on me sometimes, i try to bear with it cause shes the one who loves me the most.
like mich wrote in one of her blog entry, ppl now are taking ppl ard them for granted. this is so true.
be it friends, family or in a relationship.
when certain phases of your life gets too comfortable you will just naturally expect it to be this way. you will think the person will not leave you. but please bear in mind this is VERY wrong thinking concept.
they can leave you and they will when they feel that there is no point staying around.
please cherish the ones you have now cause you duno when they will leave you....
for me i lost alot this past few years, so i want to start cherishing everyone ard me...
my family
my friends
my pals
my colleagues
my lil god sons
all!
i thank everyone for being here during my darkest times and those who stick it thru with me. thank you.
im sorry if i have taken you all for granted. correct me if i m wrong. cause i want to cherish all of you.
thank you for accepting my flaws and staying beside me...
thank you!
i love all of you.
if any of you reading this, a big hugz to you!
HUGZ.... isa love all of you.

RAINING DAY - LOVING DAY

i remember telling two persons - for me, raining day is a loving day.
although cold and wet outside, but indoors it can be so warm and fuzzy.

i like to cuddle up to that special someone. to just settle cosily on the couch, bed whichever...
just me n him. with no one else.
i like to feel warm n cozy....

but now i just feel reali darnz....

yes its raining but theres no loving.

NO!!!!

i want to sms you.... just want to let you know im here....

but qinz say no. zan say dun do stupid things. trina say she will smack me. mich ask me to hold my pride. HL say what for, we lead seperate lifes now.

i cant den....
i knew to just pretend i dunno u anymore
it hurts and it sucks...
esp when everyone is happily in love around me...

it sucks
where is someone when i nd a pillar of support.