still missing you ...想你

its been almost a year and i still miss u loads.
times that bring back many fond memories.
the stuff u cook,
the stuff u love,
the clothes that can suit you
the jewellery you wear,
the tongkat you use,
the wonderful curry puff you insist on making.
annual dumpling festival is never same without you. without your traditional home made dumplings fill with eggs & meat, just nice to our taste buds.
the coke that you love to drink and your milo without sugar.
the carrot cake with sugar u made nadia buy you when u were hospitalised.
the lil handbag you like to carry around with all your barangs barangs inside.
the joy you displayed when all your grandchildren goes with you to the market.
im sorry i din went last year cause i couldnt get up. i din know it was the last time.
im sorry i couldnt get married in time for you to witness it.
we still miss you so much till now.
at times conversations jus go, ''last time ah ma will do this, do that ....etc etc''
if up above u sense my fear to see u now, pls forgive me.
i miss you a lot but i duno how can i face ah ma who is an illusion and not a reality.
i duno if i can still hold your hands anymore, i dont know if you still can hear me anymore.
i dont think i can get over this fear.
its not abt you nt being a human anymore, but rather its abt u not being able to be here physically anymore.
i know you are up there watching us.
i just want you to know we miss you. awfully lots.
我想你 外婆
i miss you ah ma!

shopaholic us

Been a while since i Met up with mag.
even before she went hkg on sep 20 for her business trip.
met up with her last nite. was great.
we had sushi, favourite ar!
after that we shop ard a bit.
den end up where else? STARBUCKS.
we just talked and talked and talked.
before we knew it, time to head back.
but im sure aint the end.

:)

check out the amazing photos done by ms hongkie chow.
its mei daoooooooo!!!!!

and mr E, it is NOT ah lian lingo.

a reflection, never a reality

E is right.
its all just a moon reflection in the water.
a mirage
an illusion
a fantasy.

i should never have let this fuck up my mind.
shouldnt have let this bothered me.
i should know my own calibre and not aim for something higher den my own.

its just a reflection of my fantasy, never a reality.

bothersome.

bad girl

today's a rainy day and i have been a bad girl.
dun reali wan to elaborate much. just that i have been naughty and its not right.
at least not to me.
*shakes head*

time to wake up liao!

------------

carol says:
go pub only drink milk
because beer is bad for health.

translate into chinese.
complete with cowboy tune

LOL

is it a habit or a fault?

can never understand why baby cant reply sms at times.
its like selective reply for selective sms received.

hmmm....

mag says she has this issue with Mr D as well.

haa.. and the weird condition is it applies to love ones onli. frens not included.

i dont know,
but i just find it annoying when ppl dun reply my sms.
haha.
yesh. i know im guilty of it as well. but now i dont ma.

haa...
sometimes just like to chit chat a bit rubbish with him onli.

oh well.
guess its a habit? fault?
:p

sigh.
baby... change?

fed up with you

Im getting fed up with you.
fed up with your selfish ways and lazy manner.
you never bothers to move your arse around
even when someone requires your help, your fat arse is still stuck.
you are not helpful, not friendly, and you are selfish!

all falls in one after another

In the midst of my fuck up mood, i found out a few things:

1. my dear lil cousin has a bf. OMG!. it may seem like a small thing to u all but to me its like wah!.
she's always been my dearest lil cousin. din expect to see her all grown up and dating.
anyway all the best cousin!....

2. again, my dear lil cousin nv fails to stun me with her antics. she's got yet another tattoo. an eagle to keep her phoenix company. how strange. the ppl ard me r doing tattoo, yet the thought of needles poking me is good enuf to make my knees weak and wobbly. as much as i get intrigued with the tattoos done in Miami ink, i can never get the courage to get one done on me. gosh. loser.

3. i realise when your day starts out bad, usually bad things happen along the way. i went to pack lunch back n the person forgot my order. piss. am piss.

4. one of the buttons of my cardi is missing. rushed to work and put on the cardi in the office one bottom less. shit shit shit.

-------------

sigh!!

current mood : SHIT SHIT SHIT!

geez my headache is acting up again.
been havin regular headaches.
thanks! roarrr!

All i ask is for a fairer treatment

All i ask is for a fairer treatment.
i learn to try to understand you have your stress, your unhappiness and all your anger.
But i just dont feel that it is fair.
Maybe u will say im an ungrateful wretch, but have you sit down n ask yourself - why did it happen?
U know i love you, in fact very much.
But i reali cant agree with your character.
everything happens for a reason. just like the way you like to do your things.
but haven you ever think for a second that your way of doing things is adding to your own stress level?
since young i know this is cultivated but do you know in the process of it, you hurt me many times?
U blame everyone for your unhappiness, for the anger you suffered but have you thought of stopping it from happening?
U let the jerks step over you with authority and leave u simmering in anger.
Many times i told you to leave and just settle for something lower, but much more happy.
deep down you know u hold back cause u regarded the kinship.
but hell! is it worth it?
in return u get frustrated, u get angry, u get piss. and whos the fool tat bears the brunt of it? YOURS TRULY!

i admit im a lazy bummer, i just like to nua.
but cant you just talk to me nicely.
i think if you do compare i m much better den the other one.
at least i still move my ass ard. he? he does nothing but stays in his room with her.
when u r mad at anything or anyone, u vent on me.
u show me a black face, u start mumbling murderous phrase. u start tearing and make it like i tried to snatch u of your life.
but does he get such treatment? he DONT.
all you do is smile at him and let him get away with pretty much whatever he wants.
i DONT smoke , have NEVER tried before. YET you always accuse me of smoking behind your back.
I can shout out loud with all my friends and even baby as witness that i DONT and HAVE NEVER even smoke or tried in my entire 25yrs worth of shit life.
Never once have u apologize for accusing me.
when he smokes, all u do is try to persuade like a kitten. and what u get? two bloody smokers in e house and lotsa of bad air.
Maybe other ppl r right, maybe i m jus a memory of your past tat you dont wan to remember.
but i dont have a choice to choose , do i?
u paid for his studies, but when i ask u for a loan to study , u say NO.
how do u think i felt?
i felt numb. cause i know all along i never meant that much to you.
so what if im a gal and he is a guy.
does that mean he dont have to bear this shit from you. does having a different genetic organs mean he get different treatment????
can you tell me why u treat me like this??
do u reali consider me as a thorn in your heart???
i am so sick of everything.
i thought i chose an escape to get away from problems from my r/s but i realise it was also an escape from kinship.

i cried myself to sleep yesterday. but did you know?
no u DONT.
u refuse to look at me, to acknowledge my lil chat, to even respond.
instead u move away when i tried to sit near you.
why did you?
you will never do that to him. never.
if you think i m jus being nonsensical but i have ppl telling me they can see for themselves that we both get different treatment.
if u think only you are frustrated, only you are angry.
im sorry - i am too.
in fact i m hurt n disappointed.
i know you love me but just not as much as for him.
favouritism?
i think it is.
maybe i am not as smart as him, to earn much as he is schooling now.
but i do have my plus points too.
all i want is for you to realise that i cant take it much longer
i cant take this kind of i fuck you but i smile at him kinda of treatment anymore.
i really feel sick.
u make me feel like i am a burden to you. u make me feel like having me is liked having a jinx around you.

i can try to learn to do more around the house.
but can you learn to look at me from the same level as him?
can you?
its been 22 years.
how many more to come?

im bleeding inside.
the wound split apart again.

One month warranty

My baby the plumber!
Help my mum to fix the plumbing system for my kitchen sink
He's my helpful, my personal plumber.
told my mum he grant a month's warranty for fixing it.
LOL

still, appreciate it dearie.

tired , tired and tired

Its friday today.
sianz-ness is overwhelming me.
i got a pile of work to clear but i am so not in the mood.
haven been feeling well.
tummy rebelling and now my head's aching also.
damn!
i seriously dun understand why recent headaches always causes pain from the side of my head all the way down to the neck.
its like someone is pulling my veins from inside.
painful!!
took a panadol. hope it works.

roarrr

happy birthday

Happy birthday to one of my two dearie xiao peng you - Jena Tan !!!!

she's the one who's always there when i need someone to crap, to whine and to sob to!
she's the one who 'encourage' me to spend a bomb in bangkok. haah.
she's the one who is always damn busy with projects.
she's the one who loves shorts and tees so much.

she's my good good friend!!!!

HUGS!! and kisses!!!

Should guys carry or not?

A random debate between the ling and me.
we were just walking down from admiralty overhead bridge and my arms were aching.
had this big bag with stuff in it.
so being the whiny me i start to whine and wanted my bag to be carried.
the ling being a totally man held the bag with two fingers and carried 10cm away.
noticing it, i ask;

i - why u carry the bag so far
him - this way ppl see the bag closer to you, they will think u r carrying it.
i - huh. why lei. u can jus carry for me mah.
him - dun wan la. i dun like to carry a gal's bag.

the debate started for a while.
me being a woman, insists guys will do it. its a form of showing their gentleman side.
he absolutely doesnt agree.

so should guys help to carry a gal's bag?
hmmm...
till the day he decides to stand on my side, i guess i will be carrying my own first.

super cute!