All i ask is for a fairer treatment

All i ask is for a fairer treatment.
i learn to try to understand you have your stress, your unhappiness and all your anger.
But i just dont feel that it is fair.
Maybe u will say im an ungrateful wretch, but have you sit down n ask yourself - why did it happen?
U know i love you, in fact very much.
But i reali cant agree with your character.
everything happens for a reason. just like the way you like to do your things.
but haven you ever think for a second that your way of doing things is adding to your own stress level?
since young i know this is cultivated but do you know in the process of it, you hurt me many times?
U blame everyone for your unhappiness, for the anger you suffered but have you thought of stopping it from happening?
U let the jerks step over you with authority and leave u simmering in anger.
Many times i told you to leave and just settle for something lower, but much more happy.
deep down you know u hold back cause u regarded the kinship.
but hell! is it worth it?
in return u get frustrated, u get angry, u get piss. and whos the fool tat bears the brunt of it? YOURS TRULY!

i admit im a lazy bummer, i just like to nua.
but cant you just talk to me nicely.
i think if you do compare i m much better den the other one.
at least i still move my ass ard. he? he does nothing but stays in his room with her.
when u r mad at anything or anyone, u vent on me.
u show me a black face, u start mumbling murderous phrase. u start tearing and make it like i tried to snatch u of your life.
but does he get such treatment? he DONT.
all you do is smile at him and let him get away with pretty much whatever he wants.
i DONT smoke , have NEVER tried before. YET you always accuse me of smoking behind your back.
I can shout out loud with all my friends and even baby as witness that i DONT and HAVE NEVER even smoke or tried in my entire 25yrs worth of shit life.
Never once have u apologize for accusing me.
when he smokes, all u do is try to persuade like a kitten. and what u get? two bloody smokers in e house and lotsa of bad air.
Maybe other ppl r right, maybe i m jus a memory of your past tat you dont wan to remember.
but i dont have a choice to choose , do i?
u paid for his studies, but when i ask u for a loan to study , u say NO.
how do u think i felt?
i felt numb. cause i know all along i never meant that much to you.
so what if im a gal and he is a guy.
does that mean he dont have to bear this shit from you. does having a different genetic organs mean he get different treatment????
can you tell me why u treat me like this??
do u reali consider me as a thorn in your heart???
i am so sick of everything.
i thought i chose an escape to get away from problems from my r/s but i realise it was also an escape from kinship.

i cried myself to sleep yesterday. but did you know?
no u DONT.
u refuse to look at me, to acknowledge my lil chat, to even respond.
instead u move away when i tried to sit near you.
why did you?
you will never do that to him. never.
if you think i m jus being nonsensical but i have ppl telling me they can see for themselves that we both get different treatment.
if u think only you are frustrated, only you are angry.
im sorry - i am too.
in fact i m hurt n disappointed.
i know you love me but just not as much as for him.
favouritism?
i think it is.
maybe i am not as smart as him, to earn much as he is schooling now.
but i do have my plus points too.
all i want is for you to realise that i cant take it much longer
i cant take this kind of i fuck you but i smile at him kinda of treatment anymore.
i really feel sick.
u make me feel like i am a burden to you. u make me feel like having me is liked having a jinx around you.

i can try to learn to do more around the house.
but can you learn to look at me from the same level as him?
can you?
its been 22 years.
how many more to come?

im bleeding inside.
the wound split apart again.