still missing you ...想你

its been almost a year and i still miss u loads.
times that bring back many fond memories.
the stuff u cook,
the stuff u love,
the clothes that can suit you
the jewellery you wear,
the tongkat you use,
the wonderful curry puff you insist on making.
annual dumpling festival is never same without you. without your traditional home made dumplings fill with eggs & meat, just nice to our taste buds.
the coke that you love to drink and your milo without sugar.
the carrot cake with sugar u made nadia buy you when u were hospitalised.
the lil handbag you like to carry around with all your barangs barangs inside.
the joy you displayed when all your grandchildren goes with you to the market.
im sorry i din went last year cause i couldnt get up. i din know it was the last time.
im sorry i couldnt get married in time for you to witness it.
we still miss you so much till now.
at times conversations jus go, ''last time ah ma will do this, do that ....etc etc''
if up above u sense my fear to see u now, pls forgive me.
i miss you a lot but i duno how can i face ah ma who is an illusion and not a reality.
i duno if i can still hold your hands anymore, i dont know if you still can hear me anymore.
i dont think i can get over this fear.
its not abt you nt being a human anymore, but rather its abt u not being able to be here physically anymore.
i know you are up there watching us.
i just want you to know we miss you. awfully lots.
我想你 外婆
i miss you ah ma!