NO!

why do i always feel cold when i face any forms of rejection?
why is it the word NO bothers me? irritates the shit out of me?
why do i feel the need to sigh whenever i come face to face with the word NO?
i thought i should be used to it already
i thought i AM used to it already.

guess its not a matter of getting used to it. but rather a matter of being able to face up to it.
face up to rejection.

even when my spirits are low, and i get really down. there aint much ppl i can turn to.

i is tired.
tired of holding my own emotions in place.
tired of not being able to tell myself to chill.

when i dont have it i fight like hell for it.
when i have it, i fight like mad to keep it.
but fighting takes a darn load of strength off me.
is this how things should be?

qinz told me she's tired.
tired of the mad race. racing ard time, racing ard feelings. racing ard him.
i can understand how she feel.
its a wild cat race.

i guess its just like how i told mag:
we cant expect any differences between us or anyone to disappear.
the best we can do is to balance it.

less pressure.
more pleasure? perhaps...