my pain and missing

haven been blogging for a while... was really busy.... its been a very sad sad month for me. a very very painful memory.
i love to watch TV drama and i never thought one day i will be in an actual scene myself.
it hurts liked mad to see my grandma drift away from unconsciouness to non-existent. i couldnt do anything. no amount of tears or words of comfort can bring her back. she is just in real deep pain. pain that is tormenting every part of her body. pain that just results in her vomiting blood everyday in her unconscious state. its horrible.... i couldnt take it. i couldnt accept the fact that the one whom i have known n love since the first day i was born was leaving me... and in this really horrible way. she dont deserve the pain n torture. she had suffered when she was young, so why make her suffer now? perhaps by leaving she is free from all the pain and she will find happiness in another world.
when i hear the equipment signal still life , my heart just stop. tears just flow. i couldnt do anything but whisper to her that we all love her and we just want her to be happy.
everyone will miss her but still we let her have the choice as to which way will she be happier. that is what we can do for her.

note to everyone: thank you for your concern and visits. i appreciate it.